(Teil I ist hier)

N: My mind works differently in 2 ways I think. The first is that I don#t see ugliness. It just don't see it, which is a good thing. I don't see it in people, either, which is a good thing, too. It makes me a very friendly person. And the second thing is that I don't want to have a relationship with things, you know I I don't want them necessarily to belong to me. I could live in a furnished apartment that would be fine. I could live in a hotel that would be good for me. I don't want to have a relationship with things. And this is why I don’t like buying things, it creates a relationship, I pay for them with my money and invite them into my home and then it’s like a vampire, they drain my energy.


H: I lived in a furniture department for 2 years, because I lived in California. So you moved there with a suitcase basically and well it was it's. It was the apartment of an architect and designer. So it was very nice. But why, this was totally okay, is because I didn't have much stuff. So my main motivation for having furniture is to have a very good system to store stuff.


N: Yes, and I don't want to have stuf. If there was a place we could go in the morning, you could go there naked, and they would clothe you, and then in the evening you return the clothes that would be perfect for me. I don’t want to own stuff.


H: Yeah, but you have a lot of stuff.


N: Yes, I guess and I feel burdened by it. I didn't invite all this stuff into my home, other people did that.


H: I need to tell you by the way, so i'm looking as you sitting in a chair. Okay, So everybody needs to have a chat behind you there's a bed, but I normally sleep there, so this needs to be there, too, but I also see that huge like humongous teddy bear.


N: OK but it does not belong to me. It belongs to another person in the household.


H: But why is it in your room?


N: This is not my room. If it was my room, why would the washing be in there and your bed? Why should I concern myself with what is in this room?


H: That’s true.


N: I’m a poor person and don’t have my own room.


H: But I guess the person the bear belongs to has their own room.


N: Actually the bear now belongs to the cat. She sleeps in the bear’s lap. It’s very cute. The cats are the real proprietors of this apartment.


H: Now I’m out of all the arguments in the world. because you cannot argue with cats.


N: Anyway, I want to say again how much I dislike having things and it always happens that people give me things because they just don’t listen. For my birthday for example.


H: But I gave you a useful thing!


N: Yes, that’s right, so I won’t give that away.


H: Hold on, how do you mean I won't give that away?


N: Well you know that I always give things away because I don’t want them, I do it all the time. It is things other people give me although I keep saying I don’t want things. So I give them away. What should I do? By the way, the cat is very excited, and is licking my arms and legs because I smell of your dog.


H: Oh, yeah, and my dog was very unhappy when you left, because she didn't realize that you were going.


N: Oh, I didn’t say goodbye, I’m sorry but I was in a hurry.


H: Well, it made the cat very happy because the dog was very unhappy, and whenever the dog is unhappy the cat is very happy.


N: I see. So I made the dog happy by coming, and I made the cat happy by going. This sounds fair. So we make everyone happy and stop this transcript now.

(Teil 1 ist hier.)

H: Okay, So let me tell you about how to pay a compliment. My husband is trained so well that he can make appropriate sounds about a piece of clothing that I wear without looking at it. So I enter the room and I say how's that dress and he says, awesome. Still looking at his paper, and at 1 point I explained to him you first have to look, and then then you have to wait 2 seconds so I get the impression that you actually think about it and then you must say “looks good”.


N: But I don’t know if you want to look younger! You certainly don’t want to look like a spotty teenager! I would have to say “you look 39” only 39 is much too flat, 38 is much better. Oh, all words are so loaded with meaning and context I feel overwhelmed by this at the moment.


H: I also have a new sweater.


N: Yes, it's nice, very nice. It's very screen-friendly.


H: Yeah, I thought so, and people only know me in black and white stripes. So now I have blue and brown stripes, I’m a totally new person.


N: And they no longer think you're in jail!


H: Oh, this crazy person! I remember that at 1 point I explained to the client, my main client that I conference with I don't know, 3 times a week, and at 1 point I explained to her it's always a different sweater. I have many of those. and she knew because she saw little differences. I didn't want to look like this very poor and very scary person who wore the same sweater for 3 years.


N: Well, it might also be a very efficient person if you just have one set of clothing. But you have it multiple times.


H: But I wanted to make sure that they knew if they sat next to me I wouldn't be smelly.


N: Yeah, because now these days it's important to you what the people think. AnywayI've just come back from a corona test center. and for the first time in the whole pandemic I was in one which I think was maybe one of those money laundering places.


H: Oh, fantastic! How did you find out?


N: Well, I didn't find out, I just assume, I'm judgmental.


H: Okay, What led you to the assumption?


N: Well, first of all, I booked the appointment online but when I came there they did not have any “online” but I had to fill in a piece of paper, you know with a pen and handwriting, horrible. And there were youths loitering on the steps in front of the testing center. And actually those were the people doing the tests. So I just pushed through them to get inside, and they followed me, and I thought, Oh, what is going on now? Why are they following me? Are they going to rob me? But no, they were going to stick a swab inside my nose.


H: Was it professional, the sticking part?


N: Actually it was better than my last experience. Last time at the other place they only touched my nose hair or something. And I even got the result, I was afraid this would’nt work because I had to write down my email address and you know, my name is a bit difficult and my handwriting is a bit difficult, so I was not sure if I’d ever get the result but I did.


H: You can always use my name if you like. I have this very easy name that is one tenth of the amount of letters that your last name has.


N: Yes, and I always thinkI need this additional email address with a simple name just for those purposes. But then I forget immediately again, and they’re probably all taken, the easy email addresses. And I would have to decide on the name. I would like to find the perfect name for such an email address which works internationally. So no Karin with K or C or e or i.


H: I jused a name as my Starbucks name but it was only good for speaking: Anne.


N: Yes, that’s good in speaking but obviously does not work in writing. Sarah is difficult, too. Can be with or without H


H: Rose is easy!


N: Oh, yes and you can pronounce it differently depending on which country you are in and you can even say “like the flower”.


H: But rose@gmail.com is probably already taken.


N: I need to find out but I think so. I could add an easy number like 4711.

N: Did you buy my shoes?


H: No, I didn't.


N: Oh. What happened?


H: It was devastating. Everything turned out like I had planned. So I was there at 9 in the morning, like really early, and there was no one there and the parking lot was completely empty, and I could just get out of the car, jump into the store and go back because I had things to do, and so I went into the store. There were like 3 gazillion people in the store.


N: How the fuck did they get there?? A bus hidden somewhere or a boeing jet?


H: I don’t know. Blimping? And then it turned out that the special offer, all of the special offers was only available in size 37.


N: That’s not our size.


H: And I was supposed to buy 4 pairs! Like our 2 and 2 for other people, all of them were size 40! So I already had in mind If I only find at least one which is mine…


N: And then a second pair for me because I am the nicest of the other 3!


H: I don't wanna say that not because I never know whether people read it or not. But you would have been the most deserving. But all of us needed 40, so there was nothing to do. So I bought shoes for my son in 47 and shoes for my husband in 47. But in different stores, and then I went home.


N: Okay, so we don't have winter shoes now and it’s your fault.


H: We don't but I sent you an email like 10 min ago. Because I found them at some other store for basically twice the price but that is still within the range you were willing to pay if I found them in black.


N: I’m just checking my email - oh there they are and they are indeed black. With zebra fur.


H: And I like that. I'm tempted I mean what's wrong with Zebra?


N: Nothing is wrong with zebra. Everything is perfect with zebra and they have this fur inside?


H: Yes, but for me that would be the game changer, because I need shoes with fur inside, because i'm old and and hormonal, and i'm always cold, and I have very cold feet, and then I need to cry so I need this fur inside, not outside. Not like the ugly Uggs. So let me see, because I don't know how many pairs they still have.


N: Oh, I bought them just now already.


H: You bought them already??


N: Yes, so please go ahead and buy your pair now!


H: You didn't do the research?


N: I never do research. I just act. I’m not compulsive obsessive, I’m compulsive active.


H: But you need to do the research! Because apparently they run really small and you have to buy them one or even 2 sizes larger. So you should by 41 and I maybe even 42 because of the double socks I will be wearing. May I introduce you to the concept of a podcast, it is when people talk, not when people do things on their phones. And mostly both people talk and while it is nice that only I talk I don’t know what you are doing there.


N: Lalala I buy shoes! I just cancelled the order and placed a new one for 41, are you happy now? Now go buy your pair in 42 but did you do the research? They are more expensive than in 41. You didn't do your research because in 42 they are incredibly expensive.


H: Yeah, but probably I can go with 41 as well. Anyway, do we go and scream in front of the church this year?


N: I think so? We have all the reasons. It’s a good year for screaming, it has been the worst year for me in a long time.

(Teil 2 erscheint später hier.)

(Teil 1 ist hier.)



H: Yes, shoes for myself and maybe for my kid. But I come to that in a in a second so what happened Is that…


N: You're going to do sports and so you need sports shoes.


H: No. I'm going to go on a holiday on that island in the North Sea, in December. So between Christmas and New Year and it's gonna be really really cold there, and it's gonna be really really bad weather situation wise. So of course, I bring 3 pairs of welling for 3 people.But on top of that I need a pair of shoes to go into a restaurant in the evening. It's probably gonna be snowy and it's gonna be really cold. And so I have very warm underwear and warm socks for everyone. So that kind of stuff, and we have our wellingtons.


N: Wait, but in some old podcast you already told me that it is your habit to travel to the coast in winter and shout at the Sea, what happened with the shoes you were wearing then, where are they?


H: I was young and stupid then and I used to wear sneakers, I always went for looks over comfort and I’m not that kind of person any more. Now I need comfortable and appropriate footwear. So I was researching yesterday, and the thing is everything you would want to wear comfortably is not what makes me happy. Optics-wise. So I spend a huge amount of time yesterday rresearching that, and I came out with one particular pair of shoes that I thought are the perfect shoes. But they are very expensive. The shoes are DocMarten’s Chelsea boots with lambswool inside.


N: Ah, they are indestructible! And they are comfortable. What do they cost? I have an idea, bring me a pair, if you buy 2 you can negotiate, they’ll give you a better price!


H: Now look we don’t even need to negotiate. What happened is that I clicked on some ads, because I need something that is not a Chelsea boot with a leather sole and not a sneaker and I don’t have that. So I bought fake Ugg boots.


N: Uhhh!


H: Yes and they are very ugly and I’ll send them back. And this morning it was funny, I got this spam from the outlet center and they have exactly the shoes I need and the color I wanted!


N: Which is black.


H: No, it’s brown but a very pretty brown.


Great, because what happened this morning it was very funny. I got a span made from this outlet center, saying, We are having a special sale this weekend from Frank Friday to Sunday, and we have the following extremely great offers.


N: 15:14:12

And they had exactly those stock mountains and the color I wanted.


N: 15:14:18

Which is black.


H: No, it's back brown but it's very pretty.


N: Ah, I want black.


H: But it’s a kind of brown that can go with black. And they are basically made for us, for a purpose, they are purpose shoes. There may be also black ones but I am not sure they have fur inside.


N: Okay, you know my clothes and my style, you go there and pick a nice pair of shoes for me, do you know my size? Yes, of course you do.


H: Let's take a look at the website, because I think it's a very nice brown. I think it goes with everything and they are reduced from 200 something to 69 euros.


N: Whatever. You buy this for me,


H: I think we should label this as an ad because I only talked about buying stuff. But the good thing is that we will only post it when the special sale is over. So don’t publish this too early tomorrow or other people will steal the shoes from us!


N: That was a nice talk. I’m very happy!

H: You’ve got very bad hair today, what happened there?

N: I got wet, there was rain - no snow. It was snow, and so when I came home my hair was dripping, and I put a what is it called in it?

H: A scratchy scratch.

N: A Me see scrolling G scratch, c.

H:I feel very special because I know a word that the INTELLIGENCE just doesn’t know.

N: Anyway, I put a rubber band in my hair.

H: Elegantly solved!

N: And now I just took it out again. and so my hair is sticking up, and I think I should go to the hairdresser’s soon. But I don’t dare. I’m not sure how expensive it will be, so I’m not sure if I can afford it.

H: What happened??

N: Inflation and Putin happened, they use hot water and electricity, it will probably cost millions!

H: And we got a letter again from the gas provider, announcing that I think from February on we will pay another €100 or something more per month. So it’s next to 3 times the amount which it was before.

N: And you don’t use the heating much, do you?

H: Well, now we do actually because it gets really cold, and the problem with our apartment is that we don't have neighbors - We only have upstairs neighbors, and so there is nothing around us where there's yeah warmth.

N: Even I had to put on the heating - in the bedroom! For the first time ever in my life. I had to find it first and then the wheelie thing was stuck and I had to open it with a tool. But it was necessary because, you know, usually I have the window open all the time but this is too cold now, so the window was closed during the night and when I got up in the morning the window was wet on the inside, and dripping. So I checked the temperature and it was 9 degrees.

H: Ugh!!

N: I don’t mind, you know, I sleep below 3 blankets like in a little nest, that’s all fine. But I don’t want to ruin the apartment, so I think I need to turn on the heating now.

H: And you want to keep your clothes!

N: Oh I don’t mind about them, I can always get new ones from you.

H: No, you can’t, I gained 2 kilos!

N: You have the flu? How can you possibly gain weight with the flu?

H: I think I gained 5 kilos. I lost 3 again.

N: So is there some sort of Aufforderung hidden there in this sentence? Like “give me my things back!”?

H: Oh, no, I only wanted to point into the direction that things are going, that for the next couple of months I will probably not get rid of clothes because, look, those that I shrunk out of. I grow back into.

N: That's not good for me. I think you should pursue a healthier lifestyle.

H: But I did today, I ate 2 kilos of oranges and one kilo of tangerines and it made my stomach hurt!

N: Dosis venenum facit or something like this, we say an apple a day keeps the doctor away, not 2 kilos of oranges keep the doctor away.

H: But I wanted to eat that because I was interested in eating citrus fruit.

N: Are you pregnant? Oh no, you did the test already, the triple test for Covid, flu and pregnancy.

H: I am fit again but I have extremely low blood pressure. I cannot get out of bed in the morning. It's so painful and it takes me hours to physically arrive at a point where I think Okay, i'm awake. And, you know, I switched intoa habit that I did not switch into ion 2 and a half years of pandemic, that is, the first 2 - 3 hours every morning in workin my PJs.

N: That’s disgusting.

H: But I have a very early meeting tomorrow, so I have to take a shower at 8.

N: Interesting, anyway, is the cat there eating oranges too, or what do you have in the bowls behind you on the window sill - oh, and that’s the window to the conservatory, right?

(Teil 2 erscheint später hier)

N: Hello! Hello! Hello! hello! Oh, hello! Hello! I am so relieved. The transcript works now. Imagine, what if we had not been able to continue this wonderful experience!


H: that would have been really sad.


N: Yes, but we are lucky today.


H: Yeah, ok I have to moderate what you're seeing. I washed my hair like half an hour ago it's not that my head completely greasy.


N: Yes, but what is it you are wearing? Are you wearing a nun’s – wassitcalled that nuns wear?


H: No, I'm wearing a hoodie, because I’m cold.


N: I see. It looked a bit like, you know, what do you call it? I don’t know that word in any language I speak because I’m not a religious person. So the clothing they wear.


H: A habit?


N: Or a shift? Something clothing-related is called a shift.


H: Anyway, the reason why I look the way I look is because I just came from the shower, because I couldn't shower earlier. because so many things were delivered today.


N: Did you order things again?


H: I always other things.


N: What did you buy?


H: Today the furniture for my office came, that’s a delivery with a truck and many people schlepping stuff inside, so you have to be there to open the door because otherwise people get really angry. And I was so happy, it was 3 people but they didn’t speak German, they came in and said “do you speak English” and I said “yes” and then I said “you just bring it through to the conservatory!”. I was so happy that I know the word!


N: And did they know the word?


H: Probably not. But the good thing is that the information to just walk straight ahead and go through that door was enough. But yeah, that was funny. So I have to laugh about myself that I could use that word!


N: So what else came today?


H: Christmas presents, several. My husband is not reading the THING and he is not participating today because he is in the office.


N: So he did return!


H: I ordered a frying pan for my husband, so he can hit me with it if I’m not nice. I bought a very heavy one.



(Teil II erscheint bald hier.)

H: within 10


N: (giggles)


H: Why are you laughing?


N: Because you speak German and the THING transcribes so much nonsense.


H: Oh, you already started the THING!


N: Of course, why waste time?


H: Say, Hi to my child. My husband ran, I said “We are doing the THING now” and he said “OK I’ll go grocery shopping!”


N: And are you concerned?


H: Why? Oh, that he’ll never come back? No. He has been coming back for the last 15 years, it’s his habit to come back.


N: I’ve never before seen you so optimistic.


H:My kid is listening, and he speaks English very well so he knows what you're saying.


N: Okay, so we have to do an under 18 transcript today. This will be difficult considering what we have done in the last 12 days. Wait a moment, I just remember that I have to send an email to the building management. I am happy that we are speaking English now because the German word “Hausverwaltung” is so unappealing. I prefer dealing with the building management. That feels different. I embrace that feeling. So, now it’s done. I was late, I had to send them my reply to an Umlaufbeschluss today, what is it in English? Ia have not idea. Anyway, I just sent that. Now I have to pay couple of invoices, well, actually several. But we can continue talking while I do that.


H: I want to introduce you to another German word for Hausverwaltung: Facility Management!


N: Oh yes this is such a German word!


H: Is this more elegant to your ear?


N: It is not, it reminds me of “Where are the facilities”.


H: Think spa! I would come more often if you had a spa in your building.


N: Yes, I can imagine you would come more often if I had a spa in my apartment, because if it was in the building and it was shared, you would never go there. Because you dislike other people.


H: Do you want me to say something nice to you? I always come only for you.


N: Oh, thank you that's nice so we can stop this whole THING now!


H: But people will be disappointed because we didn't do anything interesting?


N: Well, but you know, it is half time, it’s the 12th, we haven’t done anything interesting for the last 12 days, so why start now. But I think we should continue just for the fuck of it, and we should stop on the 22nd just, because we can.


H: Oh the THING can say pack now! Oh it doesn’t for me, only for you! Why is that so??


N: Because it's not adapted to your voice. Your voice is the nice voice, the kind voice and my voice is the swear word voice.


H: And I would think it's exactly the opposite normally. I bet I can do that. Pack, sucks. Okay, It says sucks, sucks is okay.


N: I trained it. I sat there in my office all day saying fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck - just to train the thing. And now it can say it and I have made it develop its intelligence and does anyone pay me for this? No. That hurts. I don’t want to do such things without pay. Now that’s a sad moment. We had a good moment, we had a sad moment, we can stop this now.


H: You could probably talk about why we forget to do the recording every single day.


Teil II folgt hier.

(Der erste Teil ist hier.)

N.: Aber ihr habt doch Weihnachtsdeko! Da ist der Giant Dwarf, dann der Adventskranz, da ist noch ein kleiner Weihnachtsmensch, da sind Holzsachen mit Lichtern, hier ist ja überall Weihnachtsdeko. Und dann stehen da oben die… stehen die da das ganze Jahr? Ach nein, Herr H. kommt da natürlich dran. Und im Fenster sind Sterne, es ist voll dekoriert.

Herr H.: Die Sterne haben wir gerade für dich drangemacht.

N.: Oh vielen Dank.

H.: Vorne raus haben wir ja immer großen gesellschaftlichen Druck, da natürlich an Weihnachten 24 Stunden am Tag gegenüber Messe ist, und dann möchte man den Senior:innen, die zur Messe gehen, auch ein schön erleuchtetes Fenster bieten.

N.: Ah, sowas spüre ich nicht in mir.

Herr H.: nickt

H.: Ich spüre das.

Herr H.: nickt

H.: Fürs Pfarrfest putze ich ja immer vorne die Fenster, damit wir nicht so verlottert aussehen. Neulich habe ich vorm Pfarrfest die Fenster geputzt, und alle alten Damen, die vorbei kamen, sagten: „Ich wohn Haus Nummer 11, kommen Sie gleich noch vorbei, ja?“, also alle. Die hatten sich abgesprochen mit dem Witz.

Herr H.: Ona und ich habe die Fenster geputzt.

H.: Ihr habt außen geputzt, weil ich da nicht drankomme, ich habe innen geputzt.

N.: Wer hat denn jetzt die Fenster geputzt?

Herr H.: Ona und ich.

H.: Und ich.

Herr H.: Ona und ich haben draußen geputzt. Und drinnen.

H.: Du Lügenbold!

N.: Ich fragte so explizit, weil du ja eben gesagt hast: „Wir müssen das Kartenspiel mitnehmen.“ Und da war ich auch ganz überrascht, denn ich dachte ja, mein Mann und ich besuchen dich und dein Kind und diesen Mann, und als du dann sagtest „Wir müssen das Kartenspiel mitnehmen“, da war ich verwirrt, wo wir denn alle gemeinsam hingehen zum Kartenspielen. Aber es hat sich ja geklärt. Es war ein Befehl, der höflich sein sollte. Ich glaube, und ich weiß nicht ob das eine neuer Entwicklung ist,

H.: Von mir?

N.: Nein, von mir, dass ich meine Höflichkeit abgelegt habe.

H.: Nein, das ist keine neuere Entwicklung. Ich habe dich noch nie höflich erlebt.

Alle: nicken

H.: Aber: Ich verstehe das ja so gut.

N.: Aber hast du dir Höflichkeit neu zugelegt? Mir ist das auch noch nie aufgefallen, dass du zu mir höflich bist. Es scheint mir neu zu sein. Und auch, dass du mehr diese Sachen, die man tun sollte, immer so im Hinterkopf hast.

H.: Das kommt mit dem Alter. Demnächst entferne ich Unkraut auf dem Bürgersteig.

N.: Bist du wieder 50 by proxy?

H.: Ich muss das gleich alles abtippen, oder? Das ist doch bestimmt schon ganz viel gewesen, reicht das nicht langsam? Wie lange soll ich denn da tippen?

Kind H.: Die Suppe ist sehr lecker Mama.

H.: Das lass ich drin.

N.: Natürlich.

Frage in der unverbindlichen Contentvorschlagliste heute: Was tätest du, wenn du im Beruf eine Viertagewoche hättest?"

Ich bin froh über die Ergänzung "im Beruf". Man stelle sich vor, die Woche hätte insgesamt nur vier Tage. Auf welche wollte man verzichten? Auf Samstag/Sonntag bestimmt nicht, wenn an jedem 4. Tag alle Läden zu sind, wird es aber auch schwierig und es wäre auch eine Herausforderung, noch Erledigungen, Arzttermine, Kurse und dergleichen unterzubringen. Vermutlich würde man sich entscheiden, keinen Montag zu wollen und den Freitag unbedingt erhalten. Ständig wäre also entweder Freitag oder Wochenende und damit Grund zur Freude, das würde mich emotional überfordern. Und wenn man verlängertes Wochenende machen will, weiß man gar nicht, wo man an- und wo man aufhören soll damit. Diese hypothetische Frage stresst mich ganz unangemessen, gut, dass sie so gar nicht gestellt war.

Was also, wenn ich beruflich eine Viertagewoche hätte? Ich vermute sehr, dass ich dann die Tätigkeiten der jetzigen Fünftagewoche auf vier verteilen würde und daher länger oder schneller arbeiten würde. Am Tag, der dadurch "frei" geworden ist, würde ich dann Haushaltstätigkeiten machen, weil mein Gehalt ja geringer wäre und ich die dann wahrscheinlich nicht mehr bezahlt an die Putzhilfe auslagern würde. Das erscheint mir nicht erstrebenswert, ich arbeite nämlich viel lieber im Büro als im Haushalt. Möglicherweise würde ich mich nach einiger Zeit dazu durchringen, trotz Viertagewoche "haushaltsnahe Dienstleistungen" auszulagern. In dem Fall würde ich zunächst einmal an dem neu freien Tag sehr viel schlafen, weil ich von dem ganzen Gedöns vorher ja so angestrengt bin - hoffentlich kommt an diesem Tag dann nicht die Putzhilfe, das wäre mir unangenehm! Wenn ich mich dann genug erholt habe, würde ich vermutlich an dem Tag im Sessel sitzen und im Internet lesen und zwischendrin denken, dass ich jetzt mal die Wohnung aufräumen sollte oder irgendwas (unbezahlt) für andere Leute machen. Abgesehen davon, dass ich an diesem Tag dann auch häufiger bei Ärtz*innen herumsäße, weil ich die Besuche ja nicht mehr in die Mittagspause oder in Randbereiche der Arbeitszeit schieben würde. Vielleicht wäre hier auch ein bisschen mehr aufgeräumt oder jahreszeitlich dekoriert, ich würde mehr Geburtstags- und Weihnachtskarten verschicken und an Mitbringsel bei Besuchen denken, die Blumen öfter düngen - nicht, dass ich dazu Lust hätte, aber wenn ich die Zeit hätte, würde ich mich vermutlich aufgefordert sehen, das zu machen.

Das klingt alles bedauerlich uninspiriert, ich sehe das eher realistisch und trage kein zeitaufwändiges Hobby wie Gemälde malen oder Bücher schreiben in mir, das dann zum Vorschein käme. Außer einem - vielleicht würde ich in die Gamer*innenszene einsteigen. Das kann ich mir gut vorstellen.

Was hatten Sie denn gedacht?

Hier geht es zu Teil 1!

N: Yes, I was right. What I was seeing in the upper left hand corner was the butt of a giant dwarf!


H: Oh. Yes, it is, indeed it is butt of a giant dwarf. Do you have any comments on that?


N: It's one of those very few times when I'm at a loss for words


H: And this is the best I could get out of that dwarf.


N: But I think so it's only there for Christmas right?


H: Yes, it is. Oh, now I see the angle that you look at, oh, this is funny because you really only see the humongous butt.


N: At least we can use an educated adjective. And giant dwarf that's almost like you know there's something like that in the universe, isn't there? Something dwarf?


H: How do you mean in the universe? We are in the universe, everything is in the universe, even the dwarf’s butt.


N: I mean universe like planets, rocket, outer space. Shut up, let me google.


H: I ask SIRI - oh, she doesn’t answer. The counter intelligence is asleep today.


N: Oh, there are many kinds of dwarves in the universe. Black, red, white, all sorts of. Maybe it was not something in our universe, you know I read all those science fiction books, maybe it is not something that exists in our reality but in an imagined reality I just read about. Not in a - what is Sachbuch in English? Not in one of those but in a novel.


H: Oh, my God, you're tired aren't you?


N: What is Sachbuch, tell me!


H: OK I am tired, too, let me google that. Non-fiction.


N: Too easy, I won’t remember that. Non-fiction for Sachbuch, that’s no challenge. What is going on with your carpentry now? Did you convert the tree you bought this morning into the doorframe already?


H: Then would have said “Wow, this is impressive”.


N: Well, you never know. Your husband said he was a carpenter now, so that is what a carpenter does, making things out of trees.


H: I don't even know whether that would be cheaper than buying a doorframe.


N: I don't think so. What did you pay for the tree?


H: We bought a very tiny tree, and We paid €20. I already blogged about that but you didn’t read it because you weren’t at home. I decided last year that I find this, you know, the dead body thing we already talked about…


N: Yes, yes, let’s not repeat ourselves.


H: And so this morning I realized that this year, because my husband only wants to put up the tree on the 24th in order to raise our personal stress level and we leave on the 26th, we only have a tree for 2 days.


N: So you decided to chop it into pieces and make a doorframe out of it immediately.


H: No.


N: So you decided to change your custom.
H: No. I prefer having the tree inside much earlier, so you can enjoy the tree. But my husband doesn't want enjoyment.


N: You have to have a tree on the 31st because your dog enjoys knocking down the tree when I come through the door.


H:That is true. But all in all, I realized that we basically only have 3 days enjoying the 3 this year. and I don't want to kill a 3 meter tree for 3 days, so I said let’s buy a very, very tiny tree with roots, and then afterwards we put it in the garden, and he was totally happy with that. And then we talked to the kid. The kid was also totally happy. Can you put the camera in another way because now I only see your nostrils.


N: But they are non-hairy!


H: They are, yes, but the rest of you is so beautiful, I want to see more of you. So, we went to the store, to the Garden Center thingy, a then we went to the very tiny trees with roots and I looked at a tree, and I fell in love with the tree, and I said to my husband, Okay, let's take that one. And it was 80 cm like really tiny and it stood there, and he looked at me like a little child, and somebody stole the ball, and everything was really, bad. and he was so sad. So now we have a medium sized tree, it is 1.20, so it’s still very small. And it's very ugly, but it was the only one that was 1.20 and for my husband it was very clearly the bigger the better and if it's a bit taller than the rest, and really really ugly, we nevertheless want to have it, because it's bigger and it has it has a root.


N: Yes, okay, so you can take care of it. And next yet it will be the most beautiful tree in town. And this year, you only have to look at it for 3 days. So all is good.


H: All is good. You always put your tree up earlier, right?


N: Yes, I do, even though I'm from a household where this is not the custom. But I changed this custom because I like to have the tree and smell it. So I put it up usually on the day I buy it. Only this year since we hacked it down ourselves we were too weak to put it up afterwards. so it's still on the balcony. My observation is that those trees are not hit by inflation, do you agree?


H: They have become cheaper actually. Yes, yeah. I had the same observation because our neighbors told us this morning I wrote a message this morning that at the - what's it called it's not tree school…


N: Nursery. Tree nursery.


H: They wrote us this morning that in the tree nursery where we normally buy all our stuff for the garden every tree, tiny or huge is onle €24 today.


N: Blended rate for trees. Is there another seller nearby?


H: On the other side of the street there is the garden center.


N: So the market is regulating things! Nice.


H: Nice, yeah. Exactly.


N: Did you know - in Scotland, or maybe only with the people I know in Scotland, it’s a thing to go and have breakfast at garden centers. It's what you do on weekends. Maybe this is because I don't really know you could have a good breakfast anywhere in cafes or restaurants, or something like that, I have never seen that. We always went to garden centers and they have, you know, full breakfast buffet.


H: Yeah, that sounds nice in Holland, in Holland you buy kitchens or cars on Easter Monday. So if you want to buy a car or kitchen in Holland, you have to wait until it's Easter Monday because this is what the country does.


N: And what happens on Easter Tuesday? Are they reduced then?


H: That's a very good question. I don't know. I never was in the situation that I needed to buy a car or kitchen when I lived there. But I would think that they have special offers for Easter Monday on kitchens and cars.


N: You could also make a kitchen out of Christmas trees, now that you have started with doors.


H: I think that's enough for today.

(Teil I ist hier.)

H: I had the carrots that my mother cooked for us. And I prepared approximately three kilos of fruit I like oranges and tangerines and kiwi, and, things, I don't even remember. I eat fruit a lot and my kid eats apples like a crazy person, when he has an apple phase he eats to kilos per day, for weeks. And my husband, that is the person who never got sick and his entire life and has his first little sickness now in 50 something years, he never eats fruit, not ever. He only eats cookies. Okay, so he gets cookies no. But the doctor said that we need to still lie down and rest and eat fruit.

N: Or you can eat things from the vitamin owl.

H: We do, but nevertheless I have had two and a half kilos of oranges for the entire week now every day. And so today I made my portion of oranges, so I peel them and then I chop them…

N: Wait, this is an interesting piece of information. Because when you lived with me you always told me that you are allergic to the peel and that I have to peel the oranges for you!

H: This year, I can do that without being allergic.

N: I think I have discovered something fishy here.

H: No no no no, it’s not fishy. I don't know why that is, but it's the first time in 46 years that I can do that without getting an allergy, but I've been peeling oranges for a couple of days now and nothing happens. So, what I did then was that I prepared a huge, huge bowl of fruit in bite size, very convenient, you know, you can just eat it…

N: You made fruit salad.

H: It’s totally different, it’s just fruit in pieces in a bowl.

N: Yes, that’s what we call fruit salad.

H: Anyway, on the table is the huge bowl of fruit. And people will have to finish it today.

N: Yeah. What about pizza.

H: I'm not interested in pizza. Do you want to order pizza?

N: As soon as we stop this THING, I will order pizza.

H: Oh, what kind of pizza?

N: I think tuna and black olives. What do you usually take on pizza? I have never seen you eating pizza, I think.

H: I usually take mushrooms and red onion but not too much because I don't like -

N: Oh, there’s your husband coming into the room. He looks healthy again.

Mr. H: Hello, Hello, How do you do again!

N: You have to eat the fruit. You look healthy again, healthy again.

Mr. H: Yes, but my voice is a little bit sick.

H: Oh no. He triggered SIRI.

SIRI: Theory. That's how these online so I can be nice.

H: No, no! Stop! Stop!

N: This THING is not a transcript, it’s a fucking party. Anyway. Mushrooms and not too many red onions.

H: And if it's a pizza place I like then I also take pepperoni.

N: Okay, so I'll order pizza now and what do you have for dinner or have already had dinner.

H: No, we already had the carrots. And fruit.

N: Fruit salad. And carrots - in Scotland this dish is called Neeps and Tatties. Well it is not with carrots but with wassitcalled, Steckrübe, turnip.

H: Nice.