H: You’ve got very bad hair today, what happened there?

N: I got wet, there was rain - no snow. It was snow, and so when I came home my hair was dripping, and I put a what is it called in it?

H: A scratchy scratch.

N: A Me see scrolling G scratch, c.

H:I feel very special because I know a word that the INTELLIGENCE just doesn’t know.

N: Anyway, I put a rubber band in my hair.

H: Elegantly solved!

N: And now I just took it out again. and so my hair is sticking up, and I think I should go to the hairdresser’s soon. But I don’t dare. I’m not sure how expensive it will be, so I’m not sure if I can afford it.

H: What happened??

N: Inflation and Putin happened, they use hot water and electricity, it will probably cost millions!

H: And we got a letter again from the gas provider, announcing that I think from February on we will pay another €100 or something more per month. So it’s next to 3 times the amount which it was before.

N: And you don’t use the heating much, do you?

H: Well, now we do actually because it gets really cold, and the problem with our apartment is that we don't have neighbors - We only have upstairs neighbors, and so there is nothing around us where there's yeah warmth.

N: Even I had to put on the heating - in the bedroom! For the first time ever in my life. I had to find it first and then the wheelie thing was stuck and I had to open it with a tool. But it was necessary because, you know, usually I have the window open all the time but this is too cold now, so the window was closed during the night and when I got up in the morning the window was wet on the inside, and dripping. So I checked the temperature and it was 9 degrees.

H: Ugh!!

N: I don’t mind, you know, I sleep below 3 blankets like in a little nest, that’s all fine. But I don’t want to ruin the apartment, so I think I need to turn on the heating now.

H: And you want to keep your clothes!

N: Oh I don’t mind about them, I can always get new ones from you.

H: No, you can’t, I gained 2 kilos!

N: You have the flu? How can you possibly gain weight with the flu?

H: I think I gained 5 kilos. I lost 3 again.

N: So is there some sort of Aufforderung hidden there in this sentence? Like “give me my things back!”?

H: Oh, no, I only wanted to point into the direction that things are going, that for the next couple of months I will probably not get rid of clothes because, look, those that I shrunk out of. I grow back into.

N: That's not good for me. I think you should pursue a healthier lifestyle.

H: But I did today, I ate 2 kilos of oranges and one kilo of tangerines and it made my stomach hurt!

N: Dosis venenum facit or something like this, we say an apple a day keeps the doctor away, not 2 kilos of oranges keep the doctor away.

H: But I wanted to eat that because I was interested in eating citrus fruit.

N: Are you pregnant? Oh no, you did the test already, the triple test for Covid, flu and pregnancy.

H: I am fit again but I have extremely low blood pressure. I cannot get out of bed in the morning. It's so painful and it takes me hours to physically arrive at a point where I think Okay, i'm awake. And, you know, I switched intoa habit that I did not switch into ion 2 and a half years of pandemic, that is, the first 2 - 3 hours every morning in workin my PJs.

N: That’s disgusting.

H: But I have a very early meeting tomorrow, so I have to take a shower at 8.

N: Interesting, anyway, is the cat there eating oranges too, or what do you have in the bowls behind you on the window sill - oh, and that’s the window to the conservatory, right?

(Teil 2 erscheint später hier)

N: Hello! Hello! Hello! hello! Oh, hello! Hello! I am so relieved. The transcript works now. Imagine, what if we had not been able to continue this wonderful experience!


H: that would have been really sad.


N: Yes, but we are lucky today.


H: Yeah, ok I have to moderate what you're seeing. I washed my hair like half an hour ago it's not that my head completely greasy.


N: Yes, but what is it you are wearing? Are you wearing a nun’s – wassitcalled that nuns wear?


H: No, I'm wearing a hoodie, because I’m cold.


N: I see. It looked a bit like, you know, what do you call it? I don’t know that word in any language I speak because I’m not a religious person. So the clothing they wear.


H: A habit?


N: Or a shift? Something clothing-related is called a shift.


H: Anyway, the reason why I look the way I look is because I just came from the shower, because I couldn't shower earlier. because so many things were delivered today.


N: Did you order things again?


H: I always other things.


N: What did you buy?


H: Today the furniture for my office came, that’s a delivery with a truck and many people schlepping stuff inside, so you have to be there to open the door because otherwise people get really angry. And I was so happy, it was 3 people but they didn’t speak German, they came in and said “do you speak English” and I said “yes” and then I said “you just bring it through to the conservatory!”. I was so happy that I know the word!


N: And did they know the word?


H: Probably not. But the good thing is that the information to just walk straight ahead and go through that door was enough. But yeah, that was funny. So I have to laugh about myself that I could use that word!


N: So what else came today?


H: Christmas presents, several. My husband is not reading the THING and he is not participating today because he is in the office.


N: So he did return!


H: I ordered a frying pan for my husband, so he can hit me with it if I’m not nice. I bought a very heavy one.



(Teil II erscheint bald hier.)

H: within 10


N: (giggles)


H: Why are you laughing?


N: Because you speak German and the THING transcribes so much nonsense.


H: Oh, you already started the THING!


N: Of course, why waste time?


H: Say, Hi to my child. My husband ran, I said “We are doing the THING now” and he said “OK I’ll go grocery shopping!”


N: And are you concerned?


H: Why? Oh, that he’ll never come back? No. He has been coming back for the last 15 years, it’s his habit to come back.


N: I’ve never before seen you so optimistic.


H:My kid is listening, and he speaks English very well so he knows what you're saying.


N: Okay, so we have to do an under 18 transcript today. This will be difficult considering what we have done in the last 12 days. Wait a moment, I just remember that I have to send an email to the building management. I am happy that we are speaking English now because the German word “Hausverwaltung” is so unappealing. I prefer dealing with the building management. That feels different. I embrace that feeling. So, now it’s done. I was late, I had to send them my reply to an Umlaufbeschluss today, what is it in English? Ia have not idea. Anyway, I just sent that. Now I have to pay couple of invoices, well, actually several. But we can continue talking while I do that.


H: I want to introduce you to another German word for Hausverwaltung: Facility Management!


N: Oh yes this is such a German word!


H: Is this more elegant to your ear?


N: It is not, it reminds me of “Where are the facilities”.


H: Think spa! I would come more often if you had a spa in your building.


N: Yes, I can imagine you would come more often if I had a spa in my apartment, because if it was in the building and it was shared, you would never go there. Because you dislike other people.


H: Do you want me to say something nice to you? I always come only for you.


N: Oh, thank you that's nice so we can stop this whole THING now!


H: But people will be disappointed because we didn't do anything interesting?


N: Well, but you know, it is half time, it’s the 12th, we haven’t done anything interesting for the last 12 days, so why start now. But I think we should continue just for the fuck of it, and we should stop on the 22nd just, because we can.


H: Oh the THING can say pack now! Oh it doesn’t for me, only for you! Why is that so??


N: Because it's not adapted to your voice. Your voice is the nice voice, the kind voice and my voice is the swear word voice.


H: And I would think it's exactly the opposite normally. I bet I can do that. Pack, sucks. Okay, It says sucks, sucks is okay.


N: I trained it. I sat there in my office all day saying fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck - just to train the thing. And now it can say it and I have made it develop its intelligence and does anyone pay me for this? No. That hurts. I don’t want to do such things without pay. Now that’s a sad moment. We had a good moment, we had a sad moment, we can stop this now.


H: You could probably talk about why we forget to do the recording every single day.


Teil II folgt hier.

(Der erste Teil ist hier.)

N.: Aber ihr habt doch Weihnachtsdeko! Da ist der Giant Dwarf, dann der Adventskranz, da ist noch ein kleiner Weihnachtsmensch, da sind Holzsachen mit Lichtern, hier ist ja überall Weihnachtsdeko. Und dann stehen da oben die… stehen die da das ganze Jahr? Ach nein, Herr H. kommt da natürlich dran. Und im Fenster sind Sterne, es ist voll dekoriert.

Herr H.: Die Sterne haben wir gerade für dich drangemacht.

N.: Oh vielen Dank.

H.: Vorne raus haben wir ja immer großen gesellschaftlichen Druck, da natürlich an Weihnachten 24 Stunden am Tag gegenüber Messe ist, und dann möchte man den Senior:innen, die zur Messe gehen, auch ein schön erleuchtetes Fenster bieten.

N.: Ah, sowas spüre ich nicht in mir.

Herr H.: nickt

H.: Ich spüre das.

Herr H.: nickt

H.: Fürs Pfarrfest putze ich ja immer vorne die Fenster, damit wir nicht so verlottert aussehen. Neulich habe ich vorm Pfarrfest die Fenster geputzt, und alle alten Damen, die vorbei kamen, sagten: „Ich wohn Haus Nummer 11, kommen Sie gleich noch vorbei, ja?“, also alle. Die hatten sich abgesprochen mit dem Witz.

Herr H.: Ona und ich habe die Fenster geputzt.

H.: Ihr habt außen geputzt, weil ich da nicht drankomme, ich habe innen geputzt.

N.: Wer hat denn jetzt die Fenster geputzt?

Herr H.: Ona und ich.

H.: Und ich.

Herr H.: Ona und ich haben draußen geputzt. Und drinnen.

H.: Du Lügenbold!

N.: Ich fragte so explizit, weil du ja eben gesagt hast: „Wir müssen das Kartenspiel mitnehmen.“ Und da war ich auch ganz überrascht, denn ich dachte ja, mein Mann und ich besuchen dich und dein Kind und diesen Mann, und als du dann sagtest „Wir müssen das Kartenspiel mitnehmen“, da war ich verwirrt, wo wir denn alle gemeinsam hingehen zum Kartenspielen. Aber es hat sich ja geklärt. Es war ein Befehl, der höflich sein sollte. Ich glaube, und ich weiß nicht ob das eine neuer Entwicklung ist,

H.: Von mir?

N.: Nein, von mir, dass ich meine Höflichkeit abgelegt habe.

H.: Nein, das ist keine neuere Entwicklung. Ich habe dich noch nie höflich erlebt.

Alle: nicken

H.: Aber: Ich verstehe das ja so gut.

N.: Aber hast du dir Höflichkeit neu zugelegt? Mir ist das auch noch nie aufgefallen, dass du zu mir höflich bist. Es scheint mir neu zu sein. Und auch, dass du mehr diese Sachen, die man tun sollte, immer so im Hinterkopf hast.

H.: Das kommt mit dem Alter. Demnächst entferne ich Unkraut auf dem Bürgersteig.

N.: Bist du wieder 50 by proxy?

H.: Ich muss das gleich alles abtippen, oder? Das ist doch bestimmt schon ganz viel gewesen, reicht das nicht langsam? Wie lange soll ich denn da tippen?

Kind H.: Die Suppe ist sehr lecker Mama.

H.: Das lass ich drin.

N.: Natürlich.

Frage in der unverbindlichen Contentvorschlagliste heute: Was tätest du, wenn du im Beruf eine Viertagewoche hättest?"

Ich bin froh über die Ergänzung "im Beruf". Man stelle sich vor, die Woche hätte insgesamt nur vier Tage. Auf welche wollte man verzichten? Auf Samstag/Sonntag bestimmt nicht, wenn an jedem 4. Tag alle Läden zu sind, wird es aber auch schwierig und es wäre auch eine Herausforderung, noch Erledigungen, Arzttermine, Kurse und dergleichen unterzubringen. Vermutlich würde man sich entscheiden, keinen Montag zu wollen und den Freitag unbedingt erhalten. Ständig wäre also entweder Freitag oder Wochenende und damit Grund zur Freude, das würde mich emotional überfordern. Und wenn man verlängertes Wochenende machen will, weiß man gar nicht, wo man an- und wo man aufhören soll damit. Diese hypothetische Frage stresst mich ganz unangemessen, gut, dass sie so gar nicht gestellt war.

Was also, wenn ich beruflich eine Viertagewoche hätte? Ich vermute sehr, dass ich dann die Tätigkeiten der jetzigen Fünftagewoche auf vier verteilen würde und daher länger oder schneller arbeiten würde. Am Tag, der dadurch "frei" geworden ist, würde ich dann Haushaltstätigkeiten machen, weil mein Gehalt ja geringer wäre und ich die dann wahrscheinlich nicht mehr bezahlt an die Putzhilfe auslagern würde. Das erscheint mir nicht erstrebenswert, ich arbeite nämlich viel lieber im Büro als im Haushalt. Möglicherweise würde ich mich nach einiger Zeit dazu durchringen, trotz Viertagewoche "haushaltsnahe Dienstleistungen" auszulagern. In dem Fall würde ich zunächst einmal an dem neu freien Tag sehr viel schlafen, weil ich von dem ganzen Gedöns vorher ja so angestrengt bin - hoffentlich kommt an diesem Tag dann nicht die Putzhilfe, das wäre mir unangenehm! Wenn ich mich dann genug erholt habe, würde ich vermutlich an dem Tag im Sessel sitzen und im Internet lesen und zwischendrin denken, dass ich jetzt mal die Wohnung aufräumen sollte oder irgendwas (unbezahlt) für andere Leute machen. Abgesehen davon, dass ich an diesem Tag dann auch häufiger bei Ärtz*innen herumsäße, weil ich die Besuche ja nicht mehr in die Mittagspause oder in Randbereiche der Arbeitszeit schieben würde. Vielleicht wäre hier auch ein bisschen mehr aufgeräumt oder jahreszeitlich dekoriert, ich würde mehr Geburtstags- und Weihnachtskarten verschicken und an Mitbringsel bei Besuchen denken, die Blumen öfter düngen - nicht, dass ich dazu Lust hätte, aber wenn ich die Zeit hätte, würde ich mich vermutlich aufgefordert sehen, das zu machen.

Das klingt alles bedauerlich uninspiriert, ich sehe das eher realistisch und trage kein zeitaufwändiges Hobby wie Gemälde malen oder Bücher schreiben in mir, das dann zum Vorschein käme. Außer einem - vielleicht würde ich in die Gamer*innenszene einsteigen. Das kann ich mir gut vorstellen.

Was hatten Sie denn gedacht?

Hier geht es zu Teil 1!

N: Yes, I was right. What I was seeing in the upper left hand corner was the butt of a giant dwarf!


H: Oh. Yes, it is, indeed it is butt of a giant dwarf. Do you have any comments on that?


N: It's one of those very few times when I'm at a loss for words


H: And this is the best I could get out of that dwarf.


N: But I think so it's only there for Christmas right?


H: Yes, it is. Oh, now I see the angle that you look at, oh, this is funny because you really only see the humongous butt.


N: At least we can use an educated adjective. And giant dwarf that's almost like you know there's something like that in the universe, isn't there? Something dwarf?


H: How do you mean in the universe? We are in the universe, everything is in the universe, even the dwarf’s butt.


N: I mean universe like planets, rocket, outer space. Shut up, let me google.


H: I ask SIRI - oh, she doesn’t answer. The counter intelligence is asleep today.


N: Oh, there are many kinds of dwarves in the universe. Black, red, white, all sorts of. Maybe it was not something in our universe, you know I read all those science fiction books, maybe it is not something that exists in our reality but in an imagined reality I just read about. Not in a - what is Sachbuch in English? Not in one of those but in a novel.


H: Oh, my God, you're tired aren't you?


N: What is Sachbuch, tell me!


H: OK I am tired, too, let me google that. Non-fiction.


N: Too easy, I won’t remember that. Non-fiction for Sachbuch, that’s no challenge. What is going on with your carpentry now? Did you convert the tree you bought this morning into the doorframe already?


H: Then would have said “Wow, this is impressive”.


N: Well, you never know. Your husband said he was a carpenter now, so that is what a carpenter does, making things out of trees.


H: I don't even know whether that would be cheaper than buying a doorframe.


N: I don't think so. What did you pay for the tree?


H: We bought a very tiny tree, and We paid €20. I already blogged about that but you didn’t read it because you weren’t at home. I decided last year that I find this, you know, the dead body thing we already talked about…


N: Yes, yes, let’s not repeat ourselves.


H: And so this morning I realized that this year, because my husband only wants to put up the tree on the 24th in order to raise our personal stress level and we leave on the 26th, we only have a tree for 2 days.


N: So you decided to chop it into pieces and make a doorframe out of it immediately.


H: No.


N: So you decided to change your custom.
H: No. I prefer having the tree inside much earlier, so you can enjoy the tree. But my husband doesn't want enjoyment.


N: You have to have a tree on the 31st because your dog enjoys knocking down the tree when I come through the door.


H:That is true. But all in all, I realized that we basically only have 3 days enjoying the 3 this year. and I don't want to kill a 3 meter tree for 3 days, so I said let’s buy a very, very tiny tree with roots, and then afterwards we put it in the garden, and he was totally happy with that. And then we talked to the kid. The kid was also totally happy. Can you put the camera in another way because now I only see your nostrils.


N: But they are non-hairy!


H: They are, yes, but the rest of you is so beautiful, I want to see more of you. So, we went to the store, to the Garden Center thingy, a then we went to the very tiny trees with roots and I looked at a tree, and I fell in love with the tree, and I said to my husband, Okay, let's take that one. And it was 80 cm like really tiny and it stood there, and he looked at me like a little child, and somebody stole the ball, and everything was really, bad. and he was so sad. So now we have a medium sized tree, it is 1.20, so it’s still very small. And it's very ugly, but it was the only one that was 1.20 and for my husband it was very clearly the bigger the better and if it's a bit taller than the rest, and really really ugly, we nevertheless want to have it, because it's bigger and it has it has a root.


N: Yes, okay, so you can take care of it. And next yet it will be the most beautiful tree in town. And this year, you only have to look at it for 3 days. So all is good.


H: All is good. You always put your tree up earlier, right?


N: Yes, I do, even though I'm from a household where this is not the custom. But I changed this custom because I like to have the tree and smell it. So I put it up usually on the day I buy it. Only this year since we hacked it down ourselves we were too weak to put it up afterwards. so it's still on the balcony. My observation is that those trees are not hit by inflation, do you agree?


H: They have become cheaper actually. Yes, yeah. I had the same observation because our neighbors told us this morning I wrote a message this morning that at the - what's it called it's not tree school…


N: Nursery. Tree nursery.


H: They wrote us this morning that in the tree nursery where we normally buy all our stuff for the garden every tree, tiny or huge is onle €24 today.


N: Blended rate for trees. Is there another seller nearby?


H: On the other side of the street there is the garden center.


N: So the market is regulating things! Nice.


H: Nice, yeah. Exactly.


N: Did you know - in Scotland, or maybe only with the people I know in Scotland, it’s a thing to go and have breakfast at garden centers. It's what you do on weekends. Maybe this is because I don't really know you could have a good breakfast anywhere in cafes or restaurants, or something like that, I have never seen that. We always went to garden centers and they have, you know, full breakfast buffet.


H: Yeah, that sounds nice in Holland, in Holland you buy kitchens or cars on Easter Monday. So if you want to buy a car or kitchen in Holland, you have to wait until it's Easter Monday because this is what the country does.


N: And what happens on Easter Tuesday? Are they reduced then?


H: That's a very good question. I don't know. I never was in the situation that I needed to buy a car or kitchen when I lived there. But I would think that they have special offers for Easter Monday on kitchens and cars.


N: You could also make a kitchen out of Christmas trees, now that you have started with doors.


H: I think that's enough for today.

(Teil I ist hier.)

H: I had the carrots that my mother cooked for us. And I prepared approximately three kilos of fruit I like oranges and tangerines and kiwi, and, things, I don't even remember. I eat fruit a lot and my kid eats apples like a crazy person, when he has an apple phase he eats to kilos per day, for weeks. And my husband, that is the person who never got sick and his entire life and has his first little sickness now in 50 something years, he never eats fruit, not ever. He only eats cookies. Okay, so he gets cookies no. But the doctor said that we need to still lie down and rest and eat fruit.

N: Or you can eat things from the vitamin owl.

H: We do, but nevertheless I have had two and a half kilos of oranges for the entire week now every day. And so today I made my portion of oranges, so I peel them and then I chop them…

N: Wait, this is an interesting piece of information. Because when you lived with me you always told me that you are allergic to the peel and that I have to peel the oranges for you!

H: This year, I can do that without being allergic.

N: I think I have discovered something fishy here.

H: No no no no, it’s not fishy. I don't know why that is, but it's the first time in 46 years that I can do that without getting an allergy, but I've been peeling oranges for a couple of days now and nothing happens. So, what I did then was that I prepared a huge, huge bowl of fruit in bite size, very convenient, you know, you can just eat it…

N: You made fruit salad.

H: It’s totally different, it’s just fruit in pieces in a bowl.

N: Yes, that’s what we call fruit salad.

H: Anyway, on the table is the huge bowl of fruit. And people will have to finish it today.

N: Yeah. What about pizza.

H: I'm not interested in pizza. Do you want to order pizza?

N: As soon as we stop this THING, I will order pizza.

H: Oh, what kind of pizza?

N: I think tuna and black olives. What do you usually take on pizza? I have never seen you eating pizza, I think.

H: I usually take mushrooms and red onion but not too much because I don't like -

N: Oh, there’s your husband coming into the room. He looks healthy again.

Mr. H: Hello, Hello, How do you do again!

N: You have to eat the fruit. You look healthy again, healthy again.

Mr. H: Yes, but my voice is a little bit sick.

H: Oh no. He triggered SIRI.

SIRI: Theory. That's how these online so I can be nice.

H: No, no! Stop! Stop!

N: This THING is not a transcript, it’s a fucking party. Anyway. Mushrooms and not too many red onions.

H: And if it's a pizza place I like then I also take pepperoni.

N: Okay, so I'll order pizza now and what do you have for dinner or have already had dinner.

H: No, we already had the carrots. And fruit.

N: Fruit salad. And carrots - in Scotland this dish is called Neeps and Tatties. Well it is not with carrots but with wassitcalled, Steckrübe, turnip.

H: Nice.

(Teil 1 ist hier)


H: Menopause.


N: Exactly. Maybe. There’s hope. And sometimes I notice early on and I can catch a couple of effects before they really hit. Very often I notice it will happen because my speaking and writing don’t work as I'm used to. So when I write and I am about to get a migraine, I confuse letters with numbers. Very strange, like I’m a leet-Person or something. So when I write an email and I see on the screen that instead of E there’s always a 3, I know I have to put my contingency plans into action. Anyway, I noticed something which I like very much. You have the big church window behind you.


H: I know.


N: And I look a bit like a saint today, I think, you know, not like a male saint with a beard and ragged clothes, like a woman saint in a painting with a beatific smile, very content. Yes. Don’t you think so?


H: I think you look like yourself every single day.


N: Well that’s no contradiction.


H: Another thing which just came to mind: I did something this morning that I never do. Ever.


N: You had breakfast.


H: No.


N: You took a shower!


H: No!!


N: You went outside.


H: So do you want to continue guessing, I mean, it's only 24 episodes, we can do that forever?


N: No, tell me.


H: I had sugar in my coffee.


N: But you always have sugar in your coffee, well at least at my place, even though you specially bought this sweetener and dumped it in my cupboard.


H: Yes, exactly, because I always forget that I dumped my sweetener in your cupboard. But during the first lockdown. I stopped eating sugar for two years.


N: Look what kind of charming things everyone did during the lockdown like not eating sugar, and there was poor me working all the time…


H: I’ve been eating sugar again for a few months but I did not go back to sugar in my coffee. I stayed with the sweetener in my coffee, that means that on an average day, because I don't have breakfast before 11 or something, I go into my first meetings with zero calories. And so this morning I had coffee with sugar because I got up and I'm feeling a little bit knocked out from the flu, so I had difficult difficulties getting up and I knew that I needed to be in good form. And so I decided to replace the sweetener with –


N: Crystal Meth!!


H: Sugar. With sugar. I had to convince my body to perform. And then I got the migraine two hours later and then I remembered that I once read an article about the connection between migraines and sugar intake.


N: Mildly interesting.


H: But the important thing is that now I have something in the house that helps me with the migraine and that makes me very happy!

N: There we go. Hello. Hello.


H: I made a little gasp because you look like you have a bird around your neck, and I didn't know what to say.


Mr. H: Is the tomcat here in this room?


H: No, Novemberregen is carrying a dead bird around her neck, not a dead cat.


Mr. H: Greetings to Novemberregen.


N: Greetings back. Anyway, what is the health situation like? I see your husband is still alive, we just heard him. And he is concerned about the cat, not about himself so apparently he is not close to death.


H: No, he's not. But tomorrow he will take his first day off sick.


N: This year or ever?


H: Well, I don't know, but definitely this year, and he has taken off sick but he is secretly working from home, I see him, but he has a meeting tomorrow and he doesn't see himself sitting on the train and going into huge meetings with important people.


N: And it's not a clever thing to go when you have a cold or the flu or whatever it is. Covid.


H: You don't know. No, no it's not and I encouraged him, and I said, this is your first day off sick this year so maybe you can actually do that because you're actually thick.


N: That's not such a nice thing to say.


H: I didn’t say that, the THING said that. I said sick. He's sick, and the kid is also still sick and spends his entire day on the sofa in the living room. And because there's no soccer match today. He re-watched the soccer match from 2014, I think, where we won seven to one.


N: I don't remember that.


H: I do remember that. And I remember watching it in the big bed. And my kid was five and he fell asleep. And then, with every goal we went totally crazy, my husband and I, and he cried at every single goal and we told him the story so often that he had to rewatch the match today. So that’s what he did all day. And I worked, and I finished my November reportings which is really great.


N: That's good.


H: Now there's only 28 more things I really urgently need to deliver before Christmas.


N: 28, that's almost like an advent calendar.


H: Yeah, but much more painful.


N: Oh, I wouldn't say that.


H: So how is your health?


N: Well - I think I’m perfectly healthy.


H: Wow!


N: Yes, I don't suffer from anything, even though I had Feuerzangenbowle yesterday and mulled wine. But I woke up and felt, you know, perfect.


H: You are such an easy person. I would be so bored to be you!


N: Yeah, well I'm quite happy.


H: I made myself happy today actually 10 minutes ago. So I finished working at nine and then I made my bed. It was a fever bed and I had been lying in that bed. That's not good. And no, it was not sweaty or anything but I wanted it fresh and perfect. And it's the best time of my life when I made my bed, actually there was no good English word for making your bed because making your bed, that’s what you do in the morning, or what other people do.


N: You changed the linens.


H: Yes, in Jane Austen they would say “change the linens” or some hundred years ago. Change the sheets I would say.


N: But you are Jane Austensy, you change the linens and so you can recline again.


SIRI: That's how I intelligent afternoon 15 first century something before.


N: Oh, another INTELLIGENCE is speaking.


H: Something triggered it, I don’t know why. I don’t even know where it is right now.


N: Next year for the advent calendar we to a podcast transcript but we don’t speak, your Siri talks to my Alexa. But this is next year. Back to this year. Do we speak about a topic today because we have to be quick, I have many things to do and I am tired already.




Hier geht es im Laufe des Tages zu Teil II

H: You have to hurry up, I'm waiting for a phone call.


N: Yes, and any moment my boss might come through the door so then you have to look like a business person which you do of course. Because I am waiting for a piece of info from him which is very very urgent but he's on the phone all the time and so sometimes he just, you know he has a wireless headset, so he runs through the office, and dumps paper on my desk because he can’t speak.


H: Could you do me a favor? I only know him from photos. So can you turn the camera around so I can see him if he comes running in ß


N: I’ll try, I try, but he's incredibly quick.


H: Yeah, but that would be incredibly entertaining. I could look like a very busy business person. I could change my glasses, I could take the non-ugly business glasses. I see worse through these.


N: You see worse but you look better. Language – yay!


H: Incredible pun.


N: So how has your day been so far?


H: I've been working like a mad person, and my husband has the flu.


N: Oh really. Oh that's new.


H: Well, yesterday we kind of sensed that this was going to happen. And now every few hours we meet in the kitchen, all three of us because, you know, my child is also back at home because has a fever again.


N: So every couple of hours you meet to check if everyone is still alive.


H: No, we meet in the kitchen to consume medication.


N: I see, Like, what do you call that? The place where you go to take drugs.


H: Well if it's allowed then it's the white cross.


N: Exactly. You meet and you take your methadone.


H: And then we go and do your things again, whatever it may be. Exactly. And every single time we do that, we think of you.


N: Why??


H: Because I have all those things from the Vitamin Owl.


N: Oh yes, oh I forgot that I have those things and I never took them again after I started – you know, it took a couple of weeks after Covid before I forgot that I had had it, but then at some point maybe a month later, I forgot. And then I forgot to take the vitamins.


H: I even reordered new ones. We take zinc.


N: Zinc gives me a terrible stomach ache. I can't take zinc.


H: Oh I love zinc, it seems to be good if you have the flu so I've taken zinc, and we take multivitamins, and we take vitamin b1 and we take vitamin D and vitamin K. And I really don't get why I still have the flu.


N: Vitamin D is the stuff you also take to uplift your spirits, right? When you don't have enough sunshine and I discovered that, you know, I'm not a person who needs sunshine, obviously, I detest sunshine and my body doesn't need it I think. And my spirit is always so uplifted that, you know, if I take vitamin D, that's too much. I’d be insufferable. I know what you are going to say now.


Der zweite Teil kommt hier.

Der erste Teil ist hier. Entschuldigen Sie den langen Cliffhanger. ich hätte auch gern vor 21:48 Uhr ein paar Sekunden Ruhe am Tag, aber es ist, wie es ist.

H: Yes, oh, I see, you have the lucky cat waving the money and if people say no, no, you don’t get our money then you turn around to the other side and take your little black box and take out your hand granade!


N: Right. Very often, when I have calls with people a lot, so regularly with the same people, at some point they ask “What is in that box?” And then I say “Well, what do you think is in that box?” And the answer very often is: “A fountain pen.”


H: And then you say no, its two fountain pens?


N: No, I say “That’s a beautiful thought, let’s keep that thought."


H: Do you want to tell me and the public what's in that box?


N: Oh, it's a fake box there's nothing in it. So, I mean, the box is not fake, I could put something in it but, I mean, why should I??


H: There’s nothing in the signature folders either?


N: Nothing in the folders.


H: But it looks vvery elegant, it kind of takes the focus away from these somewhat out dated sideboard.


N: Exactly. And usually when I have a call and there is also my boss on it or other people from the office, they afterwards call me and say “oh I saw in the call you tidied up your office, it looks totally different!” But of course it’s just this one view, all my things are on the other side where you can’t see it because the camera is positioned this way.


H: We all do this, here, look at this side, there is my laundry. And the bed. Now you can say hey, when I worked from home you said to me “don’t put laundry in your office!”. But this here is because of Putin! This is the room where the central heating is on.


N: Yes, I know, but whan it was my room it was not because of Putin but because of - how do you say this - precarious circumstances, poverty so to say. I don’t have a room which I can use only as my office at home.


H: But you have a daughter who will move out one day, then you have a hobby room.


N: I still won’t have room for an office then. I may want a laundry room or a library only at the moment I’m throwing away all the books and replacing them with shoes. I may want a room only for shoes.


H: Anyway, I want to talk to you about process management.


N: Is this a review talk today?


H: Yes, we need other topics than the flu. And everything we set so far is nonsense.


N: The THING writes set instead of sad. Oh my got, it is all wrong, our pronunciation is all wrong. Said said said. Set. Sad. One has to practice that!


H: It’s very difficult. And it gives room for interpretation. So do we have an interesting topic today.


N: Let me think. Oh I remembered the word for “Winter Garden”. It’s “conservatory”! I think we should use this word more often.


H: This is a wonderful word, it’s actually a room that we use for our shoes from outside, but now when the doorbell rings I can say “oh do go through to the conservatory!” and people will be standing in this really shabby room thinking okay this is not what I had in mind.


N: But you can put up a little sign, a brass sign saying “conservatory”.


H: And they will think what are they conserving there, maybe bodies?


N: We are always come back to this body topic. I don’t know where this comes from. I don’t usually think about bodies and where to keep them. I feel quite relaxed at the moment.


H: I'm not that relaxed because I have to work the six days that I slept. I have to work in the next six days so I have to work for 12 days in six days. But I had a very long meeting this morning with my new colleague, And she performed amazingly!


N: So you have to give her a really good Christmas bonus payment! - Look at your face in the camera!


[Silence]


N: Good. I think this is long enough, even though it's not interesting. Today it's not interesting. Look what I am doing. This is, you know, sometimes in order to build up a relationship, build up trust, you have to make yourself vulnerable. So if we say “it’s not interesting today” of course everyone can jump in and say something very very mean. So, this is our attempt now to build trust, a relationship.


H: And so we leave it at that. But I think that people know that we are doing this for us and that other people…


N: Now don’t take it back, don’t spoil it! Let’s be vulnerable and see what happens.


H: Okay.